Our Road called IVF

Thank You

2010-03-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all of our friends for following our IVF journey with us. Your support has been such a strength to us along the way. My purpose for this blog was to provide hope to all couples going through infertility and especially other couples whose spouse has CF. I will not be updating this blog anymore (I guess until we try IVF a second time). Please follow us on our family blog, colinandmandy.blogspot.com

Eliza

2010-02-09T13:00:00.000-08:00

Eliza Kate Thomas
February 2, 2010 3:30pm
7lbs 4.6oz 20 inches
We are so grateful for our sweet baby girl Eliza!

It was all worth the wait

2010-02-03T11:50:00.000-08:00

More to come, but a couple pictures for you to enjoy in the meantime.

Full Circle

2010-01-27T18:17:00.001-08:00

During my 1st trimester I had nausea 24/7 for about 10 weeks. I lost weight, I couldn't eat much but I did form a friendship with ckn flavored ramon noodles. Now here I am, blogging at 40 weeks (okay 39 6/7 weeks) and the only thing I want for dinner is ckn. flavored ramon noodles! Good thing I bought a whole case at Smith's case lot sale for $3 so I have plenty on hand (yes, disgusting I know, food that cheap can't be good for you). Coming full circle like this must mean I will go into labor any minute now, right?

I had my 40 weeks doctor's visit today. Still only dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced. A little bummed, was hoping for at least a 3. Mama and baby are well. Baby has a strong heartbeat and is moving a lot. I have a great blood pressure, my urine is free from sugars and protein and my swelling is actually going down a little bit.

I think because we did IVF and my day of conception is EXACT my doctor doesn't want me to go past 41 weeks. So I am scheduled for an induction on Feb 2, 2010 which is 2 days prior to 41 weeks. We decided on Feb. 2nd instead of Feb 4th out of conveince since my mom is driving down from N. Dakaota and since I am sick of being pregnant. I kind of feel guilty for getting an induction, like it is selfish on my part and maybe I should give it the full 41 weeks but since its only 2 days sooner I am rationalizing that its okay. I hope she comes on her own before than though just because natural labor is more desirable.

I officially started my 12-weeks maternity leave. What will I do until she comes? I guess I'll go to the library and get myself a good book. I have already read Babywise cover-to-cover and plan on following it. Any suggestions?

parents in waiting!

cute daddy-to-be!

My budda belly! 40 weeks (39 6/7 weeks to be exact)

the almost complete nursery. I still need to hang all the accessories (pictures & shelf), order the rug and my mom will be making the cushions for the glider when she gets here.

Grateful

2010-01-24T11:15:00.001-08:00

On Thursday morning, Jan21st (39 weeks exactly), Colin and I were headed to SLC. The roads were awful with slick, slushy snow. Cars were driving 20 mph. It was scary. Next thing we know we got side swiped by some car who hit the side of the car I was on then spiraled out-of-control in front of our car and hit a police car that happened to be at the side of the road responding to an accident. It all was very slow so the impact of her car on us was VERY minor. It just jolted us a tiny bit - not a big deal. However it messed up the side of our lovely new car - so sad! Anyway, we spent 1 1/2 hour dealing with all the paperwork etc. I then called my doctor's office and they told me I had to come in for observation for 4 - 23 hours depending. They don't take any type of trauma lightly, which I am grateful for. We went home, packed our bags for the hospital figuring they might have to deliver me, made arrangements for Jonas and headed back down the mountain. The roads were better by then.
We spent 5 hours in the hospital and our baby was doing great. She wasn't in any distress whatsoever, so grateful for of course. I was dilated to a 2 and 60% effaced but not having many contractions. My doctor, who I love by the way, said he was looking for any reason to deliver the baby but just couldn't find one so he had to send us home. We were really hoping to have a baby that day but our little girl was and still isn't quite ready to make her big debut.

Last night, after a 12-hour shift, I was driving up Parley's Canyon and it was the worst road conditions I've ever seen, even worse then Thursday morning. Praying 100 mph that I would be able to at least make it to Park City safely, hands death griping the steering wheel the whole time I made it home! It was a very stressful drive as you can imagine which made me start having a lot of contractions. I had contractions for 1 -2 hours then went to bed and slept a GREAT nights sleep. Sadly I woke up with no contractions! I have had a few here and there this morning but nothing consistent! Darn it! haha

My doctor said he will induce me this coming Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat or basically anytime I want but I am going to wait it out as long as I can. I am thinking I will schedule an induction for Feb 1st, 2nd or 3rd if she doesn't come by next Sunday. She gets one more week. By then she will be over 40 weeks. I am hopeful that my body & baby will do their thing when they are ready and hopeful it will be sometime this week so I don't have to be induced.

God has been watching over us so much this week. So much worse could have happened and we are all safe and well. So grateful!

38 5/7 weeks

2010-01-18T05:49:00.000-08:00

I want my baby to come! I never could understand when pregnant women would say that and express how ready they were for their baby to come until now. Basically your baby is big, your body is exhausted. On Saturday I came home from a long 12 + hour day of work in tears because my feet and back were in throbbing pain and I was sooooooo tired! I had horrible, shooting back pain throughout the day and was having a few contractions but that all went away after a good nights sleep. Thankfully I sleep pretty well overall. I have 4 more shifts left until I start my maternity leave and am just dreading them. But I will endure because I can.

The main reason I want my baby to come though is because I am just getting anxious to hold her in my arms, to cuddle and snuggle her, to see what she looks like, to name her, to see my amazing husband become a daddy and to play dress-up in all of the adorable clothes she has hanging in her closet! haha Her nursery is 90% finished and ready for her and I must say it is adorable! I couldn't be more happy with the outcome! A big thanks to Colin for putting in the new floors, baseboards, painting (his parents helped with that, so thanks to them too), putting up the crib and bookcase/changing table, hanging the curtain rod, putting up all the accessories and for indulging my every whim in my quest for the perfect nursery. He will definitely be a good daddy for a little girl because he just goes with it and is so sweet about it!

I see the dr in 2 days! One can only hope I start labor RIGHT NOW, but just in case that doesn't happen (hahaha) we'll see what's happening then. Pictures of the nursery and the pregnant swelling mama to come soon! I will have my bag packed ready to go, just in case!

37 weeks

2010-01-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

I am 37 weeks today, full-term! 3 more weeks until her due date. I had a doctor's appt yesterday and am dilated 1 cm and 50% effaced. That basically means it could still be weeks before I am ready for labor, hahaha! But I was excited to hear that I was dialted at any rate. The baby is in blast-off position, head down! So I hope she stays there between now and labor - no breech or transverse riff-raff (aka no c-section I am hoping).
Physically I am ready for her to come. I am extremely exhausted all the time, short of breath a lot, swelling in my face, feet and hands and get shaky and faint if I don't eat every few hours. It makes sense though because our baby is bigger and needs lots of nutrients and being bigger is harder for my body to carry her around. But I am not complaining, just so happy she is healthy, well and full-term! Mentally I just need to gear up for her to come close to her due date or a few days after, that way I won't spend too much time anxiously waiting her arrival over the next few weeks.
We are so excited to finally see her and hold her! On the homestrectch...

36 5/7 weeks

2010-01-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

Our little girl will be here any day! Its crazy and SO exciting! We made it through the holidays and now we are just hustling around getting everything finished and our home in order. I have a doctor's appt tomorrow so we will see whats going on, if anything.

As I have mentioned before we tore out all of the carpet in the upstairs and have been installing new floors and baseboards. It's looking beautiful. All the floor is installed besides the office and Colin has finished the baseboards and paint in the nursery.
our living room with the new floors

As far as the nursery goes we still need to get the curtains up, the area rug ordered, the bed made, and the glider painted. Colin and his parents painted the nursery last week. It is a perfect celery green color, very light but looks beautiful with the thick molding and dark walnut floors. I changed my mind about the bedding again (only the 3rd time) but finally found some pink floral bedding that I adore. I took the price tags off so I can't change my mind anymore. I have all of her clothes and blankets washed and put away. I still need to get the wall hangings up and accessories in.

I am running out of steam but the nesting instinct is strong. I have a long list of things I want to do - organize the pantry, organize all the holiday boxes, deep clean the bathrooms, organize the tupperware drawer, pack the hospital and diaper bag etc. We'll see how much I get done with me working still but I at least want the house in order before I go into labor.
Colin putting some paint colors up, it took me 7 different paint colors before finally deciding on the color her room is now

36 1/2 weeks - Colin took these pictures before our last date as non-parents. We went to Orem and ate Five Guys and Fries and saw Sherlock Holmes.

getting ready

2009-11-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we go in for our 30 week check-up. Can I just say what a relief it is to have made it through the 20 weeks? Safely in the 3rd trimester, so grateful! If she decided to come early, which I hope she doesn't, I can handle anything in the 30 weeks. But she will cook until the end which I want her to. I must say that I will enjoy having my bladder, stomach, lungs and other such vital organs back once she is born but I will miss the thrill of feeling her every movement. That is my favorite part of being pregnant, feeling her move around. Colin and I have just been starring at my stomach watching her move around and it makes us literally giggle with delight! Oh she is already wrapped around our fingers!

We still have a lot, A LOT, to do before she comes. Slowly we are making progress on her nursery. We decided to put new flooring throughout our house, starting with her room. We have ripped out the carpet, tore up the tack board and taken off the baseboards. Our new flooring isn't here yet and we still need to pick out new baseboards and paint her room before we lay the floors. Let me restate that Colin still needs to paint her room, hahaha!

Here are some pictures of Colin putting together her bookshelf which will double as a changing table

Here are some pictures of her nursery (crib, closet, rocker that is a work in progress)

this is her fairy quilt that is part of her bed set (coordinating crib skirt and fitted sheet) SO CUTE!

my growing belly!

2009-11-12T15:45:00.001-08:00

24 weeks

28 weeks

proud daddy-to-be

Hypnobirthing

2009-10-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

After being convinced by a friend I decided to take a hypnobirthing class. To clear any misconception its not hypnosis its more positive imagery, learning how to relax and breath through the pain etc. They say this method helps prevent preterm labor, where do I sign up?

Colin and I had our 1st of 5 hypnobirthing classes this week. Its every Monday night for 5 weeks. So far so good but I look forward to learning exercises and relaxation techniques in the weeks to come. They gave us a relaxation cd and told us to practice everyday for 10-15 minutes. So Colin and I put the cd on as we were laying in bed 2 nights ago and within 5 minutes he was totally out. I teased him the next day because the cd talks about relaxing your birthing muscles. So far he is the better student, I just can't relax but hopefully with ample practice I can learn how to let go of my worries and fears of giving preterm birth or other complications, thus the point of this class for me.

I think the best thing out of this class will be spending time with Colin in class as we prepare for the wonderful day when our sweetie pie comes to join our family.

26 weeks

2009-10-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

I meant to put my baby ticker widget on yesterday marking the 100 day countdown but forgot so its now a 99 day countdown. So exciting. Can't wait to meet her but can wait until Jan, no early business.

At 26 weeks I am still feeling pretty good. Its starting to get harder to bend over, roll over and get in and out of bed. On Sunday Colin actually had to help me put my tights on because the first pair I tried to do myself I ripped because I couldn't reach my feet too well. It was comical actually.

I am getting self-conscious because I have had 2 comments lately that refer to me being big. First lady at works says "You're only 26 weeks, are you sure there aren't twins in there?" followed with a "just kidding" (she really wasn't though). Second lady, "Are you expecting any day now?" followed by a "you look cute though" (sympathy compliment). Ummmmm, do I really look that big. Isn't it an etiquette rule not to tell a pregnant women she is too big or too small? Oh well, I blame it on being short and there is nowhere for my baby to go but out.

24 weeks

2009-10-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe its been 1 month since I've posted last. It's gone by fast. Yesterday we had a doctor's appt. and everything is looking good. We get one more ultrasound next visit. Last ultrasound at 20 weeks our little girl was measuring about 8 days behind her gestational age so they just want to make sure she is continuing on target at the 28 weeks appt. I don't mind, I love getting ultrasounds - its so fun to see her grow.

Since my last post:

I have really started feeling our little girl move around. The best way to describe her movement is flutters. I don't notice her much during the day when I am moving around but usually at night when I am lying in bed or sitting around. Our doctor said I will even start feeling her more from here on out as she gets bigger.

I feel really good. I do feel pregnant though and symptoms that come along with getting bigger. My back hurts if I am on my feet too long, I am more easily tired, I wake up to go to the bathroom every night and sometimes can't fall back asleep because I my mind starts going a mile-a-minute about what I need to do. Overall though I am able to work, do my chores and errands, walk the dog etc. Very grateful to feel good.

I have been nesting like crazy. I am organizing random boxes in our storage, cleaning out cupboards, organizing drawers. I want everything to be in perfect order when she comes. I even tore up all the carpet in her room because we are putting in laminate wood floors. That took a toll on my back, I don't recommend it for other pregnant women.

We got a stroller and car seat (thanks to my generous mother-in-law) and crib. Her bedding is picked out and now I need to pick a paint color so Colin can get her room painted before it gets too cold.

Meanwhile Colin is feeling pretty good, staying healthy. He'll probably have to go in for a hospitalization this winter so we are thinking of having him go before our baby comes. We'll see, just trying to keep him healthy. He is such a hard worker with a full-time job and working on his masters. And he still finds time to watch football....jk He talks to our little girl every night before bed. He is so excited to be a daddy.

Work for me is good but it is really starting to mess with my mind because we are delivering babies that are my same gestational age and it is scary. I think every little thing is going to make me go into premature labor. Colin keeps me grounded though and I am just trying to stay positive!

That's the update. More for my record keeping than anything. I hope to post pictures soon.

It's a...

2009-09-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

We had our 20 week ultrasound on Wednesday. Our little girl has all of her fingers and toes, arms and legs. She was really comfortable, all curled up and didn't want to show us her gender for quite a while. The ultrasound tech shook my tummy, told me to walk around some to get her to move. Finally the tech saw enough to say she was a girl. We are ecstatic!

After the appt we went to the party store and bought a bunch of pink streamers, signs and balloons and decorated Colin's parents house so when they came home they'd find our news! Here are some pictures from that day. Beth, Grandma Thomas, is so excited to have a granddaughter!

Jonas was not very happy about having a balloon following him everywhere he went, but it was so cute!

I didn't want to announce it until after we told my family in person yesterday for Sunday dinner. We made Jonas wear one of my old pink t-shirts that we wrote "Its a girl". Then we had him run in to my dad's were some of my family was. It was cute. Our poor dog, but he was a good sport!

my belly

2009-09-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

18 1/2 week belly pictures
this was is awkward, my sister told me to hold my tummy with 2 hands

growing like a champ

potty, insomnia, hunger

2009-08-31T04:04:00.000-07:00

Every night, without fail, I wake up around 3ish am to use the potty. Most of the time I can fall back asleep but sometimes I lay awake for an hour or two thinking. I am not usually thinking about anything all that important. For example, the other night I was thinking of what treats I am going to make to hand out to our neighbors this year for Christmas. Should it be cookies, toffee, carmels? How will I present it? I need to make cute name tags, maybe my brother can help me?

This morning I was thinking about the nursery and how I will decorate it if its our little boy verses our little girl, among other trivial things. Things like my grocery list, what I should make for dinner this week, Design Star last night etc. Then after an 1 1/2 hour of this my stomach dragged me up to put some food in it. Now here I am, 5 am, blogging about my insomnia. What has my life come to? At least I don't have to work today. And at least I have my faithful puppy who crept out from under our bed, followed me into the kitchen while I ate and is now sitting on top of my cold feet while I blog. Thankfully Colin is sleeping, since he does have to go to work today.

I am not sure if its being pregnant and super excited to find out what we are having and to have this baby in general but my mind is churning turbo speed lately. I am anxious to get my house in order, the nursery started, I have inspiring ideas for what goals I want to accomplish in the next few years etc. I am overwhelming myself to be honest. ADD? Pretty sure I don't have ADD, never have, but it sure feels like it these days. I suppose its that our lives are changing so I am a little unsettled or something.

Anyway, bad news. My ultrasound is not until Sept 9th, a week from this Wednesday. It was supposed to be this week but because my doctor is only in clinic on Wed. and I have to work this Wed, my appt had to be pushed back 1 week. 9 more days.

17 weeks

2009-08-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am 17 weeks along and feeling SO much better. Yesterday was a dream day. I was able to go to the Zumba class at the gym and stay for the whole thing (60 mins), take Jonas for a walk and make us dinner. Not to mention I got a nap in, laundry done and got called off my night shift! I have nausea on/off but its nowhere near as bad as it was and my body gets tired so much more quickly, I have to sit down a lot more but its fine. I am just so glad to be feeling better.

Last week Colin and I were in CA to celebrate his grandma's 80th birthday. While there we spent a day in Alamo/Danville, San Francisco and the rest of the time we hung out with his family, aunts/uncles, cousins etc. We went to an A's game, did a session in the Oakland temple and ate a lot. It was fun! Glad to be home to our puppy.

My goal's for now while I am feeling good is to try to make the gym 3 days a week (low intensity) and walk Jonas everyday as possible. Also I want to continue eating nutritiously and get plenty of sleep.

I need to start posting some belly shots. I feel big and am completely in maternity clothes now. It seems that I am a lot bigger than I should be for 17 weeks but maybe its because I am short? I don't know. Pictures soon.

15 week visit

2009-08-05T20:17:00.001-07:00

The dr. appt went well. The 5 seconds we got to hear our little ones heartbeat was BLISS! We were so ecstatic! Wish it was longer but I could probably hold the doppler to my tummy all day and not be satisfied. It was so reassuring to hear that our little baby is just growing away.

I have only gained 1 lb with this pregnancy so far, they didn't seem concerned but I still am because I want our baby to get everything he/she needs to be healthy. I still have a hard time eating although it is getting better. I feel like I am forcing food down my throat constantly (totally unlike my pre-prego self). But I eat my fruits, veggies, proteins, carbs and dairy and really don't like sugar and candy so I know what I am eating is quality (except for the french fries I had yesterday, ohh they were good).

I did some baby shopping today and bought some toy/rattle things and the CUTEST rocking horse! The best part was I got it 50% off. Love it!

Our next appt is when we find out the gender! Let me know what your guess is. Is it a Thomas baby girl or a Thomas baby boy?

15 weeks tomorrow

2009-08-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we go to the doctor! I live for these doctor appts and to be able to hear our little ones heartbeat! Its been 5 weeks since we last went. I was supposed to go last week but had to work and my doctor is only in clinics on Wed, thus the 5 weeks instead of 4. I am SO EXCITED! Its the little things in life really.

Just for the record, I have the best husband in the WORLD! I am so glad he has a job that gives him the flexibility to be able to come to all of the prenatal checkups. It just wouldn't be the same without him.

I am gradually feeling better, some days are still worse then others but its all doable. I have a lot more energy and can walk Jonas without feeling awful now. I am cooking more and eating more.

Update to follow.

13 weeks

2009-07-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

We are plugging right along. Last Wednesday I felt like I was on my death bed and sat in bed crying, more like bawling, for 1 hour straight to Colin until I was interrupted by lots and LOTS of throw-up. After that I felt SO much better. And gradually over this past week I have felt an improvement. It isn't huge but I am feeling better and for that I couldn't be more grateful! I still don't love or enjoy food but I can eat more and tolerate things much better. I also took Jonas on a walk yesterday and had energy to go to the gym (even if I was only on the precor for 20 mins at very low resistance). Thanks to my friend Mel for the good advice about gradual improvement, its really true.

I am happier this week about life in general, its amazing how feeling better can change your attitude. I am pretty sure Colin is a happier man too since I haven't complained as much. And although he hasn't gotten a lot of home cooked meals in a while he hasn't complained one bit, good man.

2 weeks until our next visit with the doctor. We can't wait to hear the babies heartbeat.

12 weeks

2009-07-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Wahoo! I made it through the 1st trimester! I am hoping that any day now I will wake up and feel hungry, enjoy food, be un-nauseous, not feel like I have the flu 24/7, have energy to walk my dog AND go to a class at the gym AND cook dinner, be able to open the fridge without holding my breath so I don't inhale the stench (even though to Colin it doesn't stink) and have the motivation to shower and get dressed (out of my pjs) EVERYDAY. Am I asking too much?

There is this cool website that compares the size of your baby to produce at Baby Center. I am not sure how scientifically accurate it is but its fun regardless. This week our baby is the size of a lime! I sure feel like he/she is bigger than that considering I have constant pressure on my bladder and have to use the potty all the time, even in the middle of the night (at least x2). So cute though. It was only a few weeks ago our baby was the size of a poppy seed. They really do grow fast, what a miracle it is!

I tried to listen to our babies heartbeat last night with my stethoscope. I got really excited when I heard a heartbeat and ran to Colin saying "Come here, come here, I can hear the babies heartbeat". After listening closely again I began to think that it sure sounds slow for our babies heartbeat and realized I was hearing mine! Oops! I guess we can't hear it with a stethoscope until at least 20 weeks! It was pretty funny.

What have been your experiences with taking Unisom and B6 to help fight nausea? I think it has worked a little but makes me way to sleepy all day long so I stopped taking it to see what happens. I am just curious how its worked for others.

night shift and a pregnant woman

2009-07-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday night I had to work a night shift, 7am-7pm. I had to buck up and do it since it is the only night shift I have to work all month and I hadn't worked one for a whole month prior. It was hard, very, very hard but I made it through somehow. As soon as I got home on Wed. morning I crashed unitl 1pm. I felt awful, ate some lunch and a little while later was throwing up (first real throw-up since being prego). Needless to say I didn't eat much the rest of the day. Finally at 10pm I ate some ckn flavored Top Ramen- managed to keep it down.

Last night I slept 12 hours, woke up today, ate brunch, then went back to sleep for 3 hours! Isn't that insane? It's now 4 pm and I have only been awake 2 hours today with no motivation to do anything so I thought I'd blog about it. I haven't slept that much in my whole life! I don't think they should make pregnant women work night shifts - its just cruel!

I just have to say that Colin and I are so thrilled to become parents. Colin kisses my tummy all the time and talks to our little one. I look at all the beautiful babies around me and am awed at how they started and what they became. I already long to hold our little one (he/she is as big as a lime). All of the pregnancy woes are worth it for sure. I am just really grateful!

2009-07-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

I just noticed that Colin posted (pretending it was me) our baby's first dvd! Its just below my sleepy post. Its so cute to see his/her little hands and feet wiggling around! I can't help but smile every time I watch it!

You thought he was sleepy!

2009-07-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

Oh so sleepy! Seriously I don't know why I never knew that pregnant women got so sick, so nauseated and so sleepy! Either no one has ever told me or I just was never listening. I need a nap everyday (don't get ones on the day I work but still NEED one). And as soon as my head hits the pillow I am out for a good 2 hours. I used to hate naps pre-prego life, thank goodness for them now. And even with sleeping in until 9 or 10 am and taking a long afternoon siesta I am ready for bed by 9:30 pm.

My poor husband works all day and comes home to a sick, sleepy wife. Had it not been for my mom staying with us these last 3 weeks he would have had no dinner at all, no folded laundry, no watered plants, no cleaned house, you get the idea. So glad my mom has been here, will be sad when she leaves. My post-mom-staying-with-me plan is to stock up on quick and easy meals (any ideas are welcome), and clean one room each day of the week, except the kitchen will get cleaned mostly everyday (probably by Colin).

Our next dr.'s visit isn't until Aug. 5th and I don't even get an ultrasound that time, so sad. We are still working on getting our dvd posted, sorry its taken longer than originally anticipated. Thanks for all the tips, advice and support.

A little dancing

2009-07-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

We tried to get this video to match with some music, unfortuately the file type it was saved as is not readable by blogger. Colin is looking into a way to get the music on the video, but in the meantime we wanted to get this up and posted for your viewing pleasure.

10 weeks and...

2009-07-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

no more shots! Wahoo! Tuesday was my last progesterone shot! I am so glad to be done with those. I think they exaggerated all of my pregnancy symptoms so hopefully the nausea, dizziness and exhaustion will ease up a little. Plus my bottom can finally heal from all the bruises and I will actually be able to lay on whatever side I want at night! ahhh!

On July 1st (yesterday) at exactly 10 weeks we went in for our first OB visit. Our IVF dr. still wanted us to see the multiples dr. at least once to see how everything was looking and to make sure baby A would not be in any danger. As it turns out he was not concerned at all. He was a great dr and answered all of our questions and concerns. Best of all he is keeping us as patients and told us he is not limited to multiples. So we are excited because we have heard only rave reviews about him. We also got to see our little one on ultrasound. It was so cute to see his/her little hands and feet wiggling around. We got it on dvd and I keep watching it over and over. Its just so cute to see him/her swimming around! And we saw the heartbeat really well. Ahhhh! Our baby is an inch long! Incredible! Thank goodness for those moments because it really makes all the nausea, exhaustion and overall yucko feelings worth it!

So I know its early but my mom convinced me to get some maternity pants and shirts and you know, I am so glad I did. My belly is already bigger and my regular clothes are all tight around the tummy. Those clothes are just comfortable. I think its a combination of all the IVF meds that made my ovaries huge and take longer to come down to normal size once pregnant, carrying 3 for 2 months and bloating. How about you? When did you start showing?

As soon as Colin gets home tonight we'll post the dvd of our little swimmer.

Baby Update

2009-06-18T08:24:00.000-07:00

Here is our 8 week ultrasound of our beautiful baby! He/she has a heartbeat of 159 bpm, is growing little hands and a head. So cute!!!

This morning I woke up from what has felt like a very long dream. The last week and a half has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Although bittersweet I feel a sense of relief and peace. I am less anxious and more confident that I can carry my baby to full term.

When I went to the dr. last week because I felt so sick they discovered 3 healthy heartbeats. There was 1 fraternal twins and a set of identical twins that had split from one embryo. We were pregnant with triplets. We called all of our family and close friends to tell them the news. Colin was so excited and I was so scared and anxious because I am a NBICU nurse and I know how high-risk triplets are. Although super anxious and overwhelmed we still loved each baby and wanted them here with all our hearts. And over the last week and a half we began to accept the idea of triplets and begin to feel like we could do this!

Well we went into the dr yesterday to see how our babies were progressing before being transferred over to our high-risk dr. for multiples. First we saw baby A who had a heartbeat, little hand nubs and a head and measured exactly 8 weeks. Then we began to look at baby B who was developed as well as baby A but we could not find a heartbeat. Baby B was measured to 7 weeks and 6 days, one day behind his/her fraternal twin. Then baby C we were not able to see really well at all. The dr. thought there might have been blood in the sac. No one really knows what happened between last week and this week but we lost our identical twins. I have no idea but I think something went wrong with baby C first and it caused baby B distress since baby B was growing and progressing as well as baby A up to one day before our 8 week ultrasound.

Yesterday was a sad day for us, although bittersweet. Even though our identical twins were so tiny they still had heartbeats last week, they were still our babies and we were ready to love them and be their parents. Overwhelmed at the thought of triplets yes, but excited nonetheless. It was also a sense of relief that I would not spend weeks on bed rest, have to stop working at 20 weeks when we really need me to work, spend weeks in the NBICU, etc. No matter what Colin and I know that the Lord has His reasons. We know that the Lord is blessing us through all of this and all will be well. He is in control and we are glad it is that way. We mourn the loss of our identical twins and are so thankful for our beautiful baby A and pray that he/she will not become distressed by the loss of our identical twins, stay strong and stay with us.

We love you all, thank you for your support! This is a journey and we are glad you are along for the ride with us! Thank you!

2009-06-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

I have been really sick these last 2 weeks with nausea, exhaustion, and aches. So on Monday I called my dr. because I thought I might have the flu. He had me come in for some blood work, urine analysis and an ultrasound. Everything checked out fine. The ultrasound revealed everything was healthy and well thus the nausea. He said I was just sick with pregnancy, in few words. He gave me a prescription for Zofran (anti-nausea) which has sort of helped but I am still feeling pretty awful.

I got on the scale this morning and discovered that I have lost 5 lbs since being pregnant, ummm not good. Its just so hard to eat. I am praying that when I get to the 2nd trimester (or before) my nausea will subside and I will be able to enjoy food. I feel like I can deal with being tired but not being able to eat is rough.

The last 3 nights I have woken up in the middle of the night starving but the only thing I can eat is a popsicle. So I get up, eat my popsicle, take a Zofran then go back to bed. Not to mention I still have to work and its been really, really rough working a 12 hour day.

Sorry, not to complain this is just a phase and no matter what Colin and I are thrilled to be pregnant. My question is how have women populated the world? I mean the way I feel right now I never want to be pregnant again. Props to you amazing mothers!

We see our IVF dr one more time next week for one more ultrasound before we are transfered over to the OB.

Nausea

2009-06-05T03:04:00.000-07:00

It kicked in really bad about this time last week. So many smells and foods that I normally love now make me gag. For example, Colin's deodorant, once loved now can't stomach. Slightly burnt popcorn, used to love now am disgusted. The list goes on and on. What is most frustrating is that at the time where my nutrition is essential for the growing babies I don't enjoy food. Me of all people, not enjoy food! It is craziness. I force myself to eat and make sure it counts. Try to get my fruits, veggies, dairy, whole grains and proteins in. I love cottage cheese, for a few bites a least, before I want to chuck the cartoon in the garbage. And I am having loads of cravings. Yesterday for lunch I had a grilled cheese with a heaping side of mashed potatoes and gravy. That actually went down well until I felt sick from it for the rest of the afternoon. The other night I had to have fried rice (normally never want Chinese food). That of course was good too until the sight of it left me with visions of kneeling at the porcelain thrown. The one thing I must say that I have LOVED is ginger ale! Ummm, good! However I limit myself to one glass a day then spend the rest of the day trying to drink double the water to negate the bad effects of soda on my body. To say the least, my definition of nausea has dramatically changed. To all of you with an appetite, eat all the yummies for me! In other news, our first ultrasound is next Wednesday. Update to follow.

Results are in...

2009-05-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!! We woke up first thing Sunday morning and headed down to SLC (45 min drive) just to get a blood draw. Then we turned right around and headed back home to get ready for church and lead primary singing time.

The whole time, during primary, we sat nervously waiting for the phone call from the clinic. At 11:30 am, just as I was getting up to start singing time Colin ran out of the room. Talk about nerve-wracking. All the while I am leading singing time and wondering why he is taking so long, if it was bad news and he didn't have the heart to come back in yet etc. Well a few minutes later he comes back in, while I am still leading singing time, and gives me this look. It wasn't a happy, excited look, no smile involved, just a somber look. So I am thinking "okay, deep breath, we're not pregnant, deep breath, keep a smile on until after primary". I just wasn't ready to accept bad news until I heard the words out of his mouth because in my heart of hearts I knew I was pregnant. Then when I was done leading singing time we sat down together and I wrote on a post-it note YES or NO. He responds with giving me a piece of paper he took notes on while on the phone with the clinic. It said hcg 546, make 6 week follow-up appt. with Dr. Jones, look for OB etc. We both were in shock, happy and utter shock. Yes this was the initial goal but now it is the beginning of a whole other journey and we are excited. Colin's somber look from earlier was him realizing he is going to be a dad and he was a little overwhelmed. Needless to say we are so excited and so grateful to God for hearing and answering our endless prayers. Thank you for all of your support, prayers and thoughts.

Next step, appt in 2 weeks with IVF dr for viability scan (to see how the embryos are growing), then we will be referred to a regular ob dr. from that point. It's crazy to think but I am 4 weeks pregnant (even though the embryos are only 2 weeks old), they count from the first day of your last menstrual cycle. I will continue the daily progesterone shot until July 1st (only 34 to go?).

the waiting period

2009-05-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

7 more days of waiting and wondering. I would say this is the hardest part of the whole IVF process at least emotionally. I am analyzing every little thing that my body is doing and wondering if it means I am pregnant or not. Even though I am trying to distract myself with my book, work, cleaning the house, walking the dog, preparing for singing time in primary next week, designing the wedding cake I am making in August, dreaming of opening a candy shop with Colin, my mind is always wondering and my heart always hoping that I am pregnant.
I have read all about it on the internet. The only real change that I've noticed is mild cramping. I am slightly more hungry but other than that I feel pretty normal. My ovaries are still a little tender from the IVF process but they are feeling better too. If there are any tips you can send my way to get through these next 7 days I am all ears. How to survive the waiting period?

embryo transfer

2009-05-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

these are our 2 little embryos that we transferred

Tuesday morning we went in for our embryo transfer. Of the 9 that were fertilized 7 made it to day 5. We decided to implant the best 2 and cyropreserve the other 5 for future use. The transfer went smoothly and the doctors and staff were so wonderful to us and did a great job. It was amazing because we got to see our embryos through a microscope displayed on a t.v for us before they were implanted. They were nothing but tiny specs of cells but yet they were ours and it was breathtaking.

When the doctor placed the embryos I was moved to tears (although I stifled them until Colin and I were alone). I never imagined that this was how I would get pregnant but amazing nonetheless and even better because we got to see them at the very beginning of their creation as little balls of cells. How many people get to see that? It is miraculous. As soon as those embryos were inside me I felt relief, like my little babies were safe and right where they belonged, no longer in the lab, they were home.

They gave me valium before the procedure so that I would go home and sleep most of the day, which worked. I was so out of it by the time we got home and almost fell asleep while eating lunch. Colin let me sleep away the afternoon while he did yard work. Then some thoughtful women in our ward brought us dinner. One of the women had just gone through IVF herself and got pregnant. It was cute because she brought a bunch of pineapple (some studies suggest the enzymes in pineapple inhibit the embryo to implant). They brought us a lovely dinner as well as a bouquet of flowers, so sweet! I want to return their kindness, they don't realize how much that meant to both of us.

Our pregnancy test is on May 24th. In the meantime I return to work on Friday and life goes back to normal. The rest is in God's hands. I will do everything in my power to take care of my body and those little guys working really hard to stick around. I promised them if they stick they will have an adorable nursery, can play with Jonas, we will go to Disneyland, see Thomas the Engine and do so many other fun things when they are older! We will continue to pray like crazy.

2009-05-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

We got a call yesterday from the embryologist. He told us that of the 12 eggs they got only 10 were mature enough to fertilize. Of the 10 they fertilized, 9 took. Thats 90%, not bad! So as of yesterday we have 9 little embryos. Its amazing and mind boggling to think that we have 9 little Thomas's. :) He said that the 9 were growing and dividing well so they will do a day 5 embryo transfer (day 5 has better pregnancy success than a day 3 transfer). We will get a call tomorrow to schedule our embryo transfer on Tuesday morning.

We are very excited. Just thinking about our little guys constantly, sending them "grow strong" thoughts. Its hard to think about anything other then them. Somehow every conversation goes back to them.

Much love and thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!

egg retrieval & biopsy

2009-05-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

On Thursday morning, bright and early, we headed to SLC for the egg retrieval and biopsy. Before we went to the clinic we stopped at Beth & Brian's, where my dad meet us for father's blessings. We are lucky to have wonderful fathers willing to do this for us on our big day. Thank you.

Beth dropped us off at the clinic at 6:55 am. In sweat pants and baggy shirts we headed inside, both anxious yet excited. The nurses had has go back into one of their treatment rooms. We changed into hospital gowns and socks and sat side-by-side as we got our IV's placed.

Colin went first and the doctor came back from his biopsy after 20 minutes with 2 thumbs up. He said Colin did great and they got lots of healthy, viable sperm. Phew!!!! I was confident they would find sperm but there is some anxiety there until they actually have it. Once they got the sperm they took me back for the egg retrieval. The dr. told me that according to my estrogen levels and ultrasounds they would expect to get 7-8 mature eggs. They gave me Versed right before they retrieval and it knocked me out cold. Although I do remember feeling pain during the procedure and having my eyes swell up with tears. Then they placed oxygen on me and that's all I remember until I woke up 1 1/2 hour later with Colin dressed and sitting next to me in the same room I had the procedure. The dr. came in to check on us and to my delight said they got 12 mature eggs, a dozen is a great number.

this is a picture of one of my ovaries on Tuesday a.m., the big black spots are follices and they are very plump

Shortly after they gave me crackers and juice and I got dressed. They had to push me out in a wheelchair, which I was glad about because I did not feel like I could walk with much balance. But Colin was up and walking around and said he didn't need a wheelchair. I had to tell him he at least needed to let the nurse push me down to the car because he was insisting he do it.
Beth was waiting for us at the car and then we went up to the Huntsman pharmacy for to fill our pain med prescription, which Colin hasn't even used and I only took 1 Loratab and it made me sick. We haven't needed it, Tylenol for me has been fine and Ibuprofen for Colin is all he has needed. After that we headed home to Heber. Beth drove us home, went to the store for us, weeded our yard, took the dog for a walk and made us chicken and dumplings and fruit salad. She even brought no-bake cookies (Colin's favorite) for us to munch on. Although we spent most of the afternoon sleeping it was so nice of her to be there for us. Later in the evening Colin was up and running around working in the yard, even though I told him to rest. Although still recovering he is doing great. I am a little bit slower in the recovery process and still pretty sore. I spent much of the day sleeping but today I am feeling better, still sore and tired when I am on my feet too long. I sort of feel like I am having menstrual cramps and bloating but its not too bad all things considered.

Today we are still taking it easy, watching movies and running a few errands. Its fun to have a few days off together even though we are both sore. We wait to hear from the embryologist tomorrow on the progress of our embryos. He will tell us if the transfer will be on Sunday am or Tuesday.

Ovary Awareness

2009-05-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

What are supposed to be the size of almonds feel like the size of small apples. Yes thats right my ovaries are swollen or as the dr said "plump and juicy". And I am feeling it. I have never been more aware of my ovaries in my life. I feel them when I laugh, after I eat, when I have a full bladder, when I walk to fast, bend over, lay down and even our nightly ritual when Colin puts his arm across my stomach and I tickle it hurts these days. Its only been the last few days that I have started to really feel discomfort. So here is the update.

Monday, May 4th, 9:30am
We went in for our first ultrasound on Monday morning. The dr. was beaming when she saw how "plump and juicy" my ovaries were. There were lots of follicles on both the left and right ovary but the ones on the left were more mature and numerous. (FYI one follicle contains one egg) She (the dr.) was undecided about whether I should go one more day on all of the meds or come in for the retrieval on Wednesday. She said it would depend on my estrogen levels. So after the ultrasound they took my blood and told me they would call later with the game plan. When they did call, several hours later, they said to stay on my FSH, Lupron and Repronex one more day and come in for another ultrasound in the morning. My estrogen was around 1260 and so they thought if I did everything one more day it would produce a few more "ripe" eggs.

Tuesday, May 5th, 8:30am
Back again for the 2nd ultrasound. Colin and I were amazed and the dr was thrilled that both ovaries had grown so much in just 24 hours (actually it was only 23 if were are being precise). I was sure feeling it too! So she told us to prepare for the egg retrieval on Thursday, May 7th! They took my estrogen level again and it was 1905 which was right were they wanted it. So they instructed me to take my hcg shot at exactly 8:30 pm and that I was done with all the other 3 shots (wahoo!). The hcg shot needs to be given exactly 36 hours before the egg retrieval because it releases the eggs so the doctors can catch them. This really is a science. Anyway this was the first of more to come intramuscular injections! Ahhhhh! Colin did the honors and like a champ darted it right into my bum bum! As if it didn't hurt enough we realized that he had left about 0.6 mls of hcg in the bottle. So we had to draw the rest up and give it another go! So I got 2 IM injections last night, don't you wish you were me? Needless to say I couldn't lay on my right side when I was trying to go to sleep. Oh well!

Wedensday, May 6th
Today is my day off from all shots and I am happy. Colin is home too so we are just getting our chores done and the house clean so that we can lounge around tomorrow after the retrieval and biopsy. He was outside spraying the lawn with fertilizer and came in to find me deep cleaning the kitchen. He made me put my mop down and lay down because he said I was only supposed to do light cleaning. Busted! At least before I got banned to bed I got the dishes done, cleaned the oven, cleaned out the fridge, swept and got half the floor mopped. Ha ha!
So tomorrow is the big day and feeling excited and ready! I'm just praying they will get some good sperm and good eggs to make our little embryos!

the next 2 weeks

2009-05-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

Just got off a very long 12 hour shift and get to do it all over again tomorrow. I am not sure why I am even blogging right now because I am so tired and need to go to bed but since Colin is sitting right next to me on the laptop doing treatments I figured I would blog while I wait up for him.

All of the waiting and hoping for a chance to have our baby finally comes down to the next 2 weeks. Colin and I are taking this one day at a time and staying positive. We appreciate the support of all of you; our dear family and friends. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers and for many of you who will be fasting tomorrow or have fasted for us, it means the world. We will keep you posted each step of the way over these next few weeks.

Much love and gratitude!

2 down 5 to go

2009-04-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

Monday was the first day of the 3 shots (Lupron, FSH, Repronex). I take them all at 1 pm everyday so I happened to be at work on the first 2 days of the shots. On Monday I locked myself in the bathroom and set all my stuff up on the little shelf (after I wiped everything down with sani wipes) and began to prepare my concoctions. It took me a solid 15 minutes (took half of my lunch break) to get everything ready and give the shots. I cut that time by maybe 1 minute on Tuesday. Let me just say it is so awkward to be standing in the work bathroom, with your stomach revealed giving yourself shots when people keep rattling the handle to see if the bathroom is unoccupied. Gotta love it I guess! Thankfully I have the next 3 days off and I can give the shots in the comfort of my own home.

The Lupron and FSH shots are simple and painless. However the Repronex hurts! The first Repronex shot left a red welt the size of a quarter and was so painful and tender. The second shot hasn't left a red welt but it is still tender. The med stings when going in. I am a little on the bloated side but other then that I feel great (just tired from working 2 12's in a row).

5 more days until I go in for my ultrasound on Monday to see if I am ready for the retrieval. I am hoping they will say I am ready on Monday because that will mean I get the retrieval on that Wednesday. Colin starts his new job a week from the the ultrasound and I want him to have optimal recovery time from his biopsy before he starts his new job, poor guy! But it is more likely that the egg retrieval and biopsy won't be until Thursday or Friday in which case I hope it is Thursday.

Thanks for all of your comments and support it is so HELPFUL and reassuring. You are all a huge comfort! It is definitely a crazy experience and now that I am 2 days into the stimulating hormones and feeling great I am a little more relaxed.

By the way Colin's birthday is tomorrow. His parents are taking us all to see WICKED! Wahoo, I can't wait. A much needed fun distraction! I'll let you know how it was.

time for the big guns

2009-04-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

I had my ultrasound yesterday. The Lupron is working I guess because my ovaries were sufficiently suppressed. As expected my period came this week and so I am right on schedule to start all the stimulating hormone shots on Monday. I will continue to take the Lupron and starting Monday will also take FSH and Repronex (combination drug of FSH and LH). I am working Monday so this should be interesting. Its not only been awkward to go into the bathroom at work at 1pm and give myself the Lupron shot but now I have to do 2 more, so 3 all together. Whatever it takes though.

I will be on all 3 shots until my egg retrieval which will be sometime May 6th, 7th or 8th just depending on my ultrasound May 4th to see how many eggs there are. I wasn't aware until yesterday that I will need to go in for an ultrasound and blood draw everyday starting Monday May 4th until my egg retrieval which is going to be a little difficult since I am scheduled to work that Monday and Tuesday. It will be fine I just have to move my shifts around a bit. Luckily after May 5th I have 12 days off which will give me time to rest before and after the embryo transfer.

The nurse made me a bit nervous about these stimulating hormones because she told me my ovaries will swell and be tender, I may not fit into my clothes, not to do any exercise (even yoga) because it will hurt and could cause ovary tortion (twisting of the ovaries) and worst case scenario I could get ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) which could become an emergency if not treated promptly. It just makes me nervous for the days that I am at work because I am on my feet for 12+ hours. I will just try my best to take it easy, ask for help and try to sit as much as possible but these are hard things to do being a nurse.

We waited so long to start this process and now it feels like it is happeneing so quickly. A little overwhelmed. We are very happy though and doing are best to relax and stay positive! Thanks for all of your support.

Lupron injections begin

2009-04-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

I started my lupron injections on Easter sunday. Colin and I video taped the first injection. I thought about posting it but figured it would be pretty boring to everyone else but ourselves. Colin gave me the shot on the first day and when I realized it didn't hurt I have been able to do it myself yesterday and today.
On Monday Colin had to work so I had no choice but to give it to myself. Colin called later and told me he was sad he couldn't be there to watch me give the injection because he said he wanted to be apart of the experience. That made me smile all day.
Today I had to sneak into the bathroom at work to give the injection. It was pretty gross to give the shot in the public bathroom but I did my best to keep everything sanitary. Everyday I am still nervous to get the shot but then relieved that it didn't hurt.
So far so good. I haven't experienced any side effects. I have been trying to drink lots of water to prevent dizziness.
Saturday is the last day of the birth control pills and next week I continue on with the Lupron. We go to the clinic for an ultrasound next week.

What is Lupron for?
To my understanding, Lupron is supposed to suppress the ovaries from spontaneous ovulation. Suppressing your ovaries allows the dr. optimal control over ovarian stimulation which allows for even growth of ovarian follicles once they start giving the other medications (FSH).

I stop taking birth control on Saturday and should expect my period sometime next week. The ultrasound next week is for the docs to see if the Lupron has suppressed my ovaries to a baseline state, aka a fresh starting point.

IVF med class

2009-04-09T17:28:00.001-07:00

Today Colin and I went to the clinic for instructions on giving myself the hormone injections, signing forms, getting the medications, needles (argh), and our calendar for our ivf cycle. We start the Lupron injections on Sunday (easter). We are sooooooo excited!

Just a side note, Colin was the only husband there for the class. I am so grateful for him and his desire to do this every step of the way together. He had to rearrange work today and will have to a lot more over the next few weeks. I am just grateful to have such an amazing husband!

and what does Jonas think about all of this? as long as he has his bone he is happy

Its time...

2009-04-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

On April 1st (of all days huh) I went to the mailbox to find a letter from the UCRM. I tore it open before I even got to the house. The first word I saw was "Congratulations". The rest of the letter informed us that we got the IVF grant and we are approved to start our ivf cycle whenever we are ready! We are so excited, relieved, grateful! Thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever was kind enough to donate their resources so that Colin and I can start our family! This is truly the greatest gift that we will always be grateful for! I called the clinic this morning and am just waiting to hear back from them about getting my hormone medications. We are planning on starting next week! More to come.

Home Study Visit

2009-03-10T18:14:00.000-07:00

We have been looking forward to this day since we set up the appt a month ago! Today a social worker came to our home for the home study visit. We really didn't know what to expect. We sat at the kitchen table where we were asked a lot of questions about ourselves, our marriage, families, safety of our home and neighborhood etc. One of the first questions he asked was what we loved about each other, which was really sweet. There were some tears. He asked to take a tour of our home to see where the babies room would be and evaluate for safety issues. He asked a lot about CF. Then we had to have personal interviews with him to talk about our childhood, upbringing, marriage and spouse. The whole visit took 2 hours. It went well and he told us that he had no concerns. The last step is to fill out more paperwork and he needs to turn his report into the committee. Best case scenario we could be set to go in 3 weeks.

The whole experience was positive but it is so strange to have to be interviewed and approved to have a baby. I mean, it will be our biological child but yet we have to go through a lot of scrutiny (not in a bad way its just weird) I better understand what adoptive parents must feel like, your only hope for a child is in someone else's hands. It is just unnatural to have to prove to a social worker and a committee of people that you are a loving couple who deserves the chance to have children. Don't get me wrong, we are so grateful for the opportunity to have ivf.

Anyway thanks for all of your support! We are so anxious, eager and excited to get going on the ivf meds! Hopefully in April. We will keep you posted.

8 months 10 days

2009-02-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

While making dinner on Tuesday night Colin called my name. I went in to his office to see him crying and on the phone with his brother. He handed me the phone and told me to talk to Spencer. Spencer then began to read me the letter. The letter we have been waiting for all these months! (We used Colin's mom and dad's house as our mailing address so the letter arrived there and his brother knew what it was so called us) The letter says that we are recipients of one IVF cycle pending a home study visit with a social worker. We called the social worker the next day and made our appt. which is scheduled for March 10th! After he meets with us it could take up to a month for him to get everything back to the committee for the final okay. After that we can start our IVF meds and prepare for the cycle. So we are hoping to start the meds by April and if all goes well do the implantation in May! We are so EXCITED, so GRATEFUL and humbled by the kindness and generosity of others who are willing to help us start our family!

Thank goodness for...

2009-01-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

a sweet husband who lets me cry on his shoulder, makes me laugh, brings me flowers, gives me endless hugs and kisses and gives me the strength to keep going.

a mom who will let me talk about my IVF frustrations at nauseam, cry on the phone as long as I want and never rushes me off, doesn't mind when I am emotional and always knows just the right thing to say to make me feel better

a dad who always calls me and cares about ever little detail in our lives and always makes homemade bread each week

amazing mom and dad-in-law who love and support Colin and I endlessly

brothers and sisters, neices and nephews

friends like you who give me strength through your kind words and positive examples.

chocolate chip cookie dough (that never fails a broken heart)

Wilson Philips song "Hold on" (I love this song as it brings me back to my childhood and it always comes on the radio just when I need to hear it)

losing hope

2009-01-27T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have tried so hard to stay positive, to have faith and to be strong but today I am none of those things and I don't even feel like trying to be.
About 2 weeks ago Colin called the lady in charge of the scholarship applications to give her our new address. At that time he asked whether the committee has meet yet or will be meeting soon and she was unable to give us any information. At that time I was pretty devastated because she had told me back around Christmas that the committee would be meeting the first few weeks of Jan. So being mid-Jan and she still had no idea my hope began to dwindle. However I made a decision to push through the disappointment for a little while longer and stay positive.
Then last Sat I received an email from a friend of mine who also applied for the scholarship saying that they got a letter that they were candidates but had to meet with a social worker for the final okay(which I am so happy for them, truly). So I just thought the committee had meet and that my letter was sure to be in the mail too. Well my letter never came Saturday or Monday and now I know it is not coming, there is no letter for us in the near future.
Today I called the lady and came to find out that she never followed-up with the clinic to get my FSH levels (although I called her a month ago to tell her my results were in and they were normal, and she said that she was going to call the clinic and get them for my application, that was a month ago!!!). I asked her if that error cost us losing the chance to be eligiable when the committee meet a few weeks ago and how much longer until they meet again. She gave me a lot of "I don't knows", "I have no ideas", "I am not sure" etc. After a 10-minute, frustrating, conversation with her she told me that we will have to wait until the committee meets again and she doesn't have any idea when they will meet next. I reminded her that we have been waiting over 8 months, that didn't seem to phase her one bit. She left me with no hope and no constructive information to even work with. Will it be another month, 2 months 8 months? I am in the dark just as much as I was before I talked with her, just like we have been for the past 8 months but the difference this time is that I am losing hope that we will even know. I am beyond heartbroken, upset and my faith is wearing thin.

Sunday morning lab draw

2008-12-28T20:10:00.001-08:00

Well day 3 didn't fall on Christmas, instead it fell on today, Sunday. Colin was with me because he came to pick me up from work. I just got off of my night shift (3rd night in a row and so exhausted) this morning and went to the lab. They were closed but I was able to page the lab techs from the inpatient units to come draw my blood. They could not find my order from the clinic even though I called on Monday and the lab had it then. So they paged the on-call doctor to get the order. When the on-call doctor called he said he could not give an order for me but to call one of the docs from my clinic. I was worried that none of the doctors would be on-call on Sunday but luckily one of them was able to call and give the verbal order for me to get my FSH and estradiol taken. It took 1 hour (which really should have been 15 minutes) to get it all sorted out but I wasn't about to wait another month! Sigh of relief, that is done! Once they get my results we go back to waiting.
As I sat in the lab this morning with Colin I was so excited for the new year to come as we continue to embark on this IVF road. I am hopeful the committee will meet shortly after the new year and continue to pray that we can be chosen as recipients. We are so ready to start IVF!

FSH

2008-12-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

Today I was out Christmas shopping and I got a call from the coordinator. She told me that my FSH levels had not been drawn which is one of the qualifiers for the scholarship. I don't know how we missed this. I thought we had done everything we needed to but apparently not. I just figured somewhere in all of the blood work the clinic had all the information they needed. The coordinator was reassuring though. All of my nursing books are packed away but my understanding is that the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) stimulates production of eggs and indicates the age of the ovaries or the ovarian reserve (aka if you have enough ovaries and if they are in good shape). FSH levels are also used to determine the production of sperm in a male, Colin's levels were normal. I wanted to run into the lab today and get it done but the catch is that it has to be drawn on day 3 of your menstrual cycle. Luckily I am on birth control now and I start my sugar pills Monday. Meaning that my period should start soon and I am just hoping that day 3 doesn't fall on Christmas because I don't know if the lab will be open. Ahhhhh, the stress! But it is exciting at the same time because it means that the committee will probably be meeting soon. I suspect after the holidays.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-17T08:08:00.001-08:00

If any you are even still reading this...I can't believe that it has been 2 months since I last posted! Sorry. Honestly it is because I have nothing to post about. Colin spoke with the coordinator for the scholarship committee sometime in November and she said she was hopeful that the committee would meet by the end of the year. Now it is 2 weeks away from being the end of the year and we have not heard anything. We turned in our application 6 months ago. We are fine and really there is nothing we can do except try to focus on other things and enjoy all the blessings we do have. We've been busy with getting our house in shape, working, spending time together, getting ready for Christmas etc. There are many things in life that we have control over but with this issue it is completely out of our control and in the Lord's hands. There is nothing more we can do but wait. Although I wonder "when?" very often, I do have faith that the Lord knows best and will provide when the time is right. I am grateful for this Christmas season and wish you all the very happiest and best! I hope to have more exciting news during 2009! Merry Christmas!

Just some thoughts

2008-10-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

Some days are fine, some days it's hard playing this waiting game. It's almost been 4 months since we applied for the IVF scholarship. I wonder, with the holidays approaching, if we won't find out until after the new year? Sometimes its difficult to see so many others around me getting pregnant and having babies because I want it to be me so badly. I strive to keep everything in perspective though that it will all work and have faith that one day it will be my turn too. Why is so hard to just enjoy and live in the present moment? I feel like I am always focusing on the future and what I want. I need to continually remind myself to enjoy this time in life; being young and married, done with school, buying our first home etc. There is so much to be grateful for right now. I need to worry less and enjoy the many blessings right in front of me.

"I don't believe that God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on... Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution..." ~Author Unknown

Thank you to a new friend for letting me borrow this quote from her blog.

Baby Shopping

2008-09-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

While shopping at the outlets in Park City for a baby gift Colin saw this little onsie and thought it was so cute that we had to buy it for our baby. Well I couldn't resist Colin telling me to buy something for our baby, how cute is that!!!

One Step Closer

2008-09-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while that any progress has been made toward IVF but I finally have some news. I was so happy when my menstrual cycle was 1 week early because it meant I could go and see my doctor that much earlier.

Yesterday I went in for my IVF appt. to get a map of my uterus, a trial transfer and be put on birth control. For some reason I was so nervous before the appt. because I thought it was going to be a lot worse then it really was. From the time the doctor began the ultrasound and trial transfer to the end was only about 10 minutes. During the trial transfer I felt a lot of discomfort and my uterus was cramping pretty bad from the pressure but it didn't last long. Thankfully Colin was there with me to remind me to breath, for some reason I kept holding my breath. It was very reassuring to have Doctor Gibson tell me how healthy my uterus and ovaries were. After Doctor Gibson was done he went to find out what Colin's FSH level was. He came back to tell us that his FSH level was excellent and that he was very confident that the testicular biopsy will go well. Then he prescribed me birth control. I asked if it would also help my acne, which he said it would. I am very happy to start the birth control to clear up my skin and because it means we are one step closer to doing a cycle of IVF. We told him that we are still waiting to hear back about our scholorship but as soon as we do, we are ready to start the medications and prepare for our first cycle. So here we are, we have done everything we have needed to in preparation for our IVF cycle and things are in place ready to go. Now we just wait some more. I understand that timing is not in my control and I have to exercise faith and trust that it will all happen exactly when it needs to.

As we shook Dct. Gibson's hand goodbye I felt a lump in my throat and tears swell up in my eyes. I tried to hold my tears back like a dam as he left the room but I know he saw. I couldn't help but feel such strong emotions as he reassured us that things looked great for both of us to successfully have a child that is part Colin and part me. How could you not have such strong feelings of joy and humility? I don't care how, I just care that we will one day be blessed to hold OUR baby in our arms.

Not much going on

2008-08-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to met with my doctor this month but now I have to wait until September. This is how it works, on the first day of your menstrual cycle you need to set an appointment with your doctor for the trial transfer and map of uterus for days 6-12 of the cycle. Well when I called this month for my appointment my doctor was out-of-town on my 6-12 day!! Now I have to wait until next month. There is no rushing this process I am always re-learning. Sorry no other new updates except that I graduated nursing school!!!! I will post as soon as I have some new updates.

Results are in!

2008-06-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

The results are in from the CF screen and I am not a carrier. We are very happy and relieved! The next step? I am not going back to our IVF doctor until August. At that point the doctor wants do a trial transfer, map out my uterus (is that too much info, my apologies) and get me on birth control to regulate my menstrual cycle. The plan is to be ready to start the hormone medications and prepare for IVF as soon as we hear back from the scholarship we applied for. Whatever way it goes we want to be ready to start IVF.

Still waiting...

2008-06-24T17:26:00.001-07:00

It has been an entire month and we have heard nothing! I have called our geneticist and he said the lab results will not be back for at least another week. We submitted our application today. Sorry, not much to report. Luckily all the time spent waiting is going by very quickly because our lives our insanely busy right now.

Now we just wait...

2008-05-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

Insurance gave the final okay and I went and had my blood drawn this morning. I guess it takes 3-4 weeks to get the results. We are going to do the Sequencing screen, which is more in depth than the basic 32 mutation screen. Meanwhile we will just keep working on our IVF gift application and get it ready so we can turn it in first thing June 24th, not a moment later!

Genetic Counseling Appointment

2008-05-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our genetic counseling appointment. It was was surprisingly very educational and useful. Colin and I were presented with 4 different types of CF screenings and had the hardest time deciding which one to do. We finally agreed that we would do a Sequencing screen which was more in depth than the basic 32 Mutation Panel. Our geneticist is going to contact our insurance one more time to verify that they will cover this expense and will let us know if they give the okay today or tomorrow. Then I will get my blood drawn and wait 2-3 weeks for the results. We are quickly realizing that this IVF processes is going to be lengthy; so many decisions to be made, so much information to consider, waiting for results. What happened to the baby being dropped off on your doorstep by a stork?

Miracles- just the beginning

2008-05-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

So we were laying in bed this past Sunday morning and Colin reminded me that it was fast sunday. Dang it!!! I struggle with fast sunday because I love to cook a yummy breakfast on sundays. Being the faithful guy that he is he suggested that we fast for strength and peace as we prepare for and go to our apppointment on Tuesday. Well I fasted all day with a prayer in my heart that our appointment would go well and I have felt the blessings pour out all week.
We had our first IVF consult on Tuesday and it went really well. Even though I have done endless amounts of research on IVF I wasn't prepared for all of the emotion that I felt during the appointment and the rest of the day. Our doctor, Dr. Gibson, was wonderful. He was very friendly and patiently answered our long list of questions. The source of my emotions was from the fact that I want a baby so badly and I felt so anxious because I know this is going to be a long process and I just need to be patient. Both Colin and I were overwhelmed and exhausted. We came home after the appointment and hardly talked about the appointment because we both were so stressed out. But on Wednesday and since then we have been feeling great and able to talk about everything.
Miracle #1
Our doctor wants me to get tested to see if I am a carrier for the CF gene before he sees us again. The reason why I didn't get tested before our appointment was because our insurance did not cover it ( ~$1200, not just pocket change to us!). Our doctor pressed us strongly to get it done so we know what to expect as we continue the IVF process. After the appointment Colin and I decided just to suck it up and pay the $1200 to get screened. Colin called our insurance one more time (I tried once a few months ago with no luck) to explain our situation in the hopes that they would cover it. The next day we got a call from our insurance and they decided they would cover it as long as we went to genetic counseling which was fine with us! That was amazing. We have an appointment with the genetic counselor May 19th .
Miracle# 2
Our doctor told us about a private organization that gives a gift of IVF to couples each year. You have to be referred to this group by your doctor and then you have to meet certain requirements, which we do. Today we met a woman who gave us the application. We can't submit the application until June 24th (our 2 year anniversary) because one of the requirements is that you have to be married 2 years. The only drawback about this is that it takes them 2-4 months to let you know if you are granted the gift. We want to start IVF before then but after much discussion we feel that to wait a few extra months to get pregnant at the chance that it would all be paid for is worth it. To have our IVF paid for would truly be a miracle, a gift that we could never pay back, a gift to have our very own, precious baby.
As I said before, nothing could have prepared me for the strong emotions I have felt this week. I feel extremely blessed to have found a great doctor, a great clinic, an opportunity to apply for financial assistance, have insurance pay for my CF screen and most of all the opportunity to have a baby.

Its Scheduled!

2008-04-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am so excited because we scheduled our Initial Consult for IVF on May 6, 2008 at the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine. There are only 2 reproductive clinics in the Salt Lake area. It is hard to know which clinic to go with but since our insurance is through the U our initial consult fee ($395) will be covered. In addition a girl in my nursing program used to work there and said only great things about the staff, facility and doctors. Colin's good friend also went to this clinic for infertility problems and is now pregnant. She loved the doctors and staff as well. So we feel good about our decision to meet with them. Prior to the consult I needed to have a Pap smear (never something to look forward to) and blood work to test for immunity to rubella, blood type & Rh. I went to my OB/GYN who was very supportive of my plans for IVF and wrote all the orders I needed so my insurance would cover everything. I also got a prescription for prenatal vitamins - PrimaCare One. I am happy because they have omega-3 fatty acids (both DHA and EPA) which supports neurological development in a growing baby. ( I went to a great lecture a few weeks ago about the importance of DHA and EPA for pregnant and breastfeeding women. Since then I have begun to buy products that have more in them like eggs, milk even wheat torillas.) I have to warn you though, at the expense of sounding gross, prenatals alter your GI system and its not very fun. Colin thinks that my body will adjust with time and everything will go back to normal. I sure hope he is right.
One month seems like so far away but I know I need to just get through the rest of the semester, get all my assignments in, pass my finals and then our appointment will be here in no time. I am so excited to make this process real!

Welcome!

2008-03-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

Colin has Cystic Fibrosis (CF), a genetic disease that primarily affects the lungs. A thick-sticky mucous builds up in the lungs which is a perfect home for germs that cause inflammation and infection. This mucous also can build up along the pancreas and reproductive organs causing blockage. The majority of men with CF are infertile for 1 of two reasons, 1)blockage of mucous along the reproductive track prohibits semen from passing from the testicle through the Vas Deferens or 2) absence of the Vas Deferens, known as Congenital Bilateral Absence of the Vas Deferens (CBAVD). In Colin's case he has bilateral Vas Deferens but no sperm count meaning that mucous is blocking the pathway of sperm. Colin produces normal amounts of sperm, there is just no natural way for them to exit the body. Through medical intervention, CF men are able to become biological fathers. This is where IVF begins for us, we welcome you to join us on our journey.