I have tried so hard to stay positive, to have faith and to be strong but today I am none of those things and I don't even feel like trying to be.
About 2 weeks ago Colin called the lady in charge of the scholarship applications to give her our new address. At that time he asked whether the committee has meet yet or will be meeting soon and she was unable to give us any information. At that time I was pretty devastated because she had told me back around Christmas that the committee would be meeting the first few weeks of Jan. So being mid-Jan and she still had no idea my hope began to dwindle. However I made a decision to push through the disappointment for a little while longer and stay positive.
Then last Sat I received an email from a friend of mine who also applied for the scholarship saying that they got a letter that they were candidates but had to meet with a social worker for the final okay(which I am so happy for them, truly). So I just thought the committee had meet and that my letter was sure to be in the mail too. Well my letter never came Saturday or Monday and now I know it is not coming, there is no letter for us in the near future.
Today I called the lady and came to find out that she never followed-up with the clinic to get my FSH levels (although I called her a month ago to tell her my results were in and they were normal, and she said that she was going to call the clinic and get them for my application, that was a month ago!!!). I asked her if that error cost us losing the chance to be eligiable when the committee meet a few weeks ago and how much longer until they meet again. She gave me a lot of "I don't knows", "I have no ideas", "I am not sure" etc. After a 10-minute, frustrating, conversation with her she told me that we will have to wait until the committee meets again and she doesn't have any idea when they will meet next. I reminded her that we have been waiting over 8 months, that didn't seem to phase her one bit. She left me with no hope and no constructive information to even work with. Will it be another month, 2 months 8 months? I am in the dark just as much as I was before I talked with her, just like we have been for the past 8 months but the difference this time is that I am losing hope that we will even know. I am beyond heartbroken, upset and my faith is wearing thin.
9 comments:
I am so sorry to hear this Mandy!! I wish I had something to say, but just know that I am thinking about you and hoping for the best! Hang in there.
Lisa
Mandy, I'm so sorry! Listen to this song...the slide show's pretty lame, but the words are amazing. It got me through a lot. Good luck!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkRo42AbOfQ
Mandy,
I am so very sorry you are not getting the news right now that you want. Infertility has tested my faith as well. It is also very very hard seeing your friends who are in similar situations get good news - while you are not. I wish there were words that I could type that would make you feel better. Remember those jobs I gave you with coverage. Talbots offers coverage to employees who work 20 hours a week.
Please feel free to facebook message me or email me if you need to vent or talk.
That seriously sucks. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now! I wish I could give you a big hug and take you out to dinner. I love you tons and am praying for you so hard.
I'm so sorry to hear about all your efforts falling through with the grant. One of the hardest parts I've found through the whole IVF journey is having to put so much trust into people. It leaves you so vulnerable. This is so important to you and you hope they treat it with the utmost care. You have to believe they are following through like they say they will and are treating your situation with as much concern and effort as you would do for yourself.
I hope there is a silver lining for you and that you find the money you need for IVF. We all have a little different story, but I always wish the best to those of us who struggle to have a family. I hope it all falls into place.
Man, I am so sorry to hear that news! I know times are hard. Remember to have faith in the lord!
pray like crazy! we are praying for you too. Our heavenly father will only give you both as much as you can handle and never more! Ignacio and I are always here for you if you need us! Maybe we can start a ivf fundraiser! We love you both!
Oh my gosh- I am so sorry. I wasn't expecting to hear your bad news. I am terribly sorry. I am just devastated that this has happened to you guys. I dont even know what to say. I am so sorry. I am here if you need anything. The video from Misty was great- wow. I am just so truly very sorry.
I don't even know what to say. I just can't believe she didn't follow up with the clinic. How can she not understand how important this is to you? We are keeping you in our thoughts and in our prayers. Hopefully you'll get good news soon.
In the meantime, we can't wait to see you guys next weekend!
You will be rewarded for your preserverence, you WILL! If ever you need proof of that, please go read my IVF journal on www.cysticfibrosismaleinfertility.com . It may not come within the time frame you desire, nor in the package you envision, but you WILL get what your heart desires!
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